In my mind
by SopE1820
Summary: She left once more. Did she have a real reason or her fears won once again? Takes place the night after their conversation in last chapter of S.2. I do NOT own Scandal. If i did, it wouldn't be coming back in October!
1. Chapter 1

It was all quiet, late at night, she opened her eyes. Darkness. It was all dark. What had happened? Had it all been just a bad nightmare? She put a hand on her face, dry tears, and new starting to form, sadness suddenly invaded her body.

She turned on the light next to her. She was in her bedroom. It was all real. It was the real world. As soon as she woke up, she wanted to escape reality again and go back to sleep, to dream, to go somewhere better, even if it was all just a fantasy, but her thoughts wouldn't let her. Going back and forth over things. She closed her eyes once more, tried harder to stop thinking. It was pointless; He was already in her mind. His voice, his words, the conversation from last night was playing in her head over and over…

_-"I want YOU on my side. We can do this together. You are going to be my First Lady" _He sounded so sure of their plan, why couldn't she feel the same way?

_-"I can't leave them. They need me. I am their Gladiator"_

Excuses. She could always find an excuse. But this time it was different. She knew the truth; she knew something that he couldn't. It was so big that it had the power to change it all, it could make everything go wrong and she couldn´t allow it. She had to keep her secret with her. Safe. She wanted some normal, even if she knew it was not really possible, she wanted the house in the country, the jam, everything.

She couldn't be so selfish. She wanted him, she really did, but he was not hers to have. Not for now at least.

She knew this was not going to be an easy road, but she would do her best. There was still a bit of hope very deep in her heart, everything would work out, maybe not now, tomorrow, or next year, but someday. And with last thought she could go back to sleep, to dream, to a place where everything was perfect, until she wakes up again...

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_**Okay, i am going to try once more. This time i will try to finish it and i hope this time my computer doesn't break :) **_

_**Please tell me if you like it and if I should keep writing. **_

_**I really love u all Gladiator! i love reading your craziness, you are all great! Can Not wait until October 3rd!**_

_**Love. Sophie.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two.

He was in bed, just thinking about the latest events. She left again, leaving him on his own. Why? They had a plan, they would be together. He had earned her, he had chosen her, and now, she was gone once again. _What had happened? _He wondered.

He turns around and sees Mellie sleeping next to him, and he knew that neither Mel or Him were happy, and he wanted to fix that; she was his wife, _Not for long _he thought. Fitz closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

The next morning, the first thing he did was contact his lawyer, John, as to start his divorce papers. He was decided: he would divorce his wife, remain President and go after his Livvie. He had now only to start planning and doing.

The meeting with John went well; the papers were going to be ready for that night and he would be divorced in less than 6 months if he convinced Mel. He had talked with Cyrus about his plans. At first he hesitated about helping him, but at the end he realized that he couldn't change the President's mind, so he agreed. Plans were starting to being made, press control, and just in case, plan B and C involving lots of dirt for starters on Mellie and many more people who would cause scandals.

He had one important thing to do left, find the love on his life and convince her that everything would be okay; that they could do it together; that everything they had was not a dirty secret, it was love and it could be more than enough.

He called Tom and Hal and asked them to take him to Olivia's apartment.

The ride was long. He could only think on what should he said to Liv, how to convince her, how to make her believe that they could be good, even great together. He could no longer live without her, he could barely breathe, let alone sleep without her, he needed her, and he knew that Liv needed him too. When he got there, he knocked, and waited, and waited. 10 minutes had passed and he still had no answer.

He still had a key that she had given him long ago, when he got elected.

Election Day, years ago.

_-"Fitz, we can't continue with this, we are going to get caught, and your presidency is going to be over before it even starts. We can't see each other anymore, not here at least." She said closing the space of the cold bed between them._

_-"Sweet Baby, no, don't over think this. We will figure something out, we always had". He replied kissing her lightly._

- "_I, I think we should stop seeing each other, you have a family, children, wife and we cannot afford a scandal."_

_-"Liv, I can't stop, you are the most important person in my life, I can't just stop, don't you get it? You are more important to me that this new job. I can back down, you just have to ask for it and I'll do it. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't live without you..." He started_

-"_I know Fitz; I want this as much as you do. I am just trying to be rational here. I don't want you to let me go, we should think about something, but now let's go to sleep. We had a long day tomorrow". With this words, resting her head in his chest they both went to sleep._

_The morning after, when he woke up, she was no longer there; there was a little box in his pillow. He opened it and it had a little note "This is what I came up with: this is the key of my apartment, I am sure you know where I live. Be careful. I'll be waiting for you. I love you too. O." A bright smile took over his face and didn't leave for the day. He kept his key with him since then…_

Today.

He opened the door. His face was transformed. He was in shock. He would never have imagined that something like this would ever happen.

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**What do you think that happened? What about Liv?  
****Peace & Love  
****S.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3._

He opened the door. His face was transformed. He was in shock. He would never have imagined that something like this would ever happen.

There was lots of blood on the floor, on the couch, all over the place but there was not body. He went to the bathroom, the bedroom, only hoping not to find Liv there, and for his relief, she wasn't there. He only found Olivia's gold ring, the one she never took off and her gold watch. He took those items, read the intern inscription and remembered when he gave them to her.

_Two years ago._

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

_-"Coming." He heard._

_When she opened the door she only looked at him; her face was a mix of happiness and concern. He could guess that she thought she was dreaming. Her next action was kissing him in the middle of the hallway. Thankfully there was no one there besides them and Tom.  
When she broke the kiss he could finally say something._

_-"Surprise! Happy Birthday Sweet Baby!" He kissed her again and continued, "I am not complaining, I could stay here all day as long as I am with you, but could we go inside?"_

_- "Oh," She hadn't realized that they were still outside her apartment. "Yes, of course, came in."_

_-"Are you insane? This is too dangerous! What if someone sees you?" The rational part of her started to work again._

_-"I don't care. I couldn't miss your Birthday Livvie. I missed you." He took one of the colorful paper bags that Tom was holding and said "Here, I got you something, I hope you like it."_

_She opened it and it was beautiful, one of the best presents she had ever gotten. It was a golden watch, and in the inside you could read a short phrase that meant the world for them "I will love you now and forever." It was a promise that they will have their time. It will come someday. And they would be happy in the light, no longer a secret; he would be able to tell the world what she meant for him, that she was the love of his life._

_-"Thank you Fitz, it is beautiful. I am never taking it off. I love you too." She responded with tears in her eyes. _

_-"You're welcome beautiful. I'm glad you liked it, but I still have something else for you. I'll give it to you after diner." He said going to the kitchen._

_After they ate, they went to the couch, they sit there juts hugging each other and dreaming about a life where every night would be like this. After a while he took a light blue box from his pocket and put it in Liv's lap. She looked at him, shocked, suspecting what it was, but not believing it: It couldn't be what she was thinking._

_-"Open it." He commanded._

_-"Fitz, you can't. We can't. You are married, what is this?" She said looking at him._

_-"It is not what you think. I wish I could give you an engagement ring, just not now, yes? Open it." He repeated with a sad smile._

_Tears began to form in Olivia's eyes as she opened the small box. It was a golden ring; it matched perfectly with the watch he had given her no longer ago. It also had an inscription that said "Liv & Fitz"_

_She was talking herself in not crying, 'because Gladiators don't cry, but it was becoming too difficult, and her sods began, followed by uncontrollable tears. It was a perfect, simple and elegant ring, but it was overwhelming. Trough her tears, he could only kiss him. It was a passionate kiss. They both depended on it. They still believed that someday they could be together._

Now.

She was no longer here. Where could she be? Was she Okay? Whose blood was it? Wasn't it enough to run from him, but she needed to get out-of-town too?  
What had happened to her? What made her make this decision? He didn't now. But for sore he was going to move heaven and earth to find her and get her back. He was a men in a mission and we would not give up. Not now, not ever.

He took the watch and clock with him and told Tom to start looking for her, with the same urgency as if the First Lady were missing. He had to find her.

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**Okay, i hope you like it.**  
**I absolutely love your reviews, they make me smile every time i read them!**  
**I'll go back to Liv next one, what do you think?**

**S.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

She woke up in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere, all covered in blood. Most of her clothes were gone same as her special ring and watch. She only had underwear and a T-shirt on. She had no idea how she got last thing she remembered was being in her apartment…

She had, days ago, realized she was pregnant and that Fitz was the father. She had run away from him, and since that night she did nothing but regret it. She had finally decided to pick up the phone and call him. Tell him the truth, that she got scared and didn't know what to do. That she had no idea what would he say about the baby. She wanted to keep it, but she couldn't do it all by herself. She needed help. She needed Him. She was calling when suddenly she felt a strong pain in her stomach. She wanted to sit, but someone grabbed her from behind. That person had hit her really hard, and the next thing she knew was waking up here alone, covered in blood.

She felt weak, it all hurt, and then it was when she realized where the blood came from. It was hers, she had lost her baby; their Baby.

The illusion of having a life together, just family, without all the drama lasted less and less each time. She had only a small piece of hope in her heart.

She could now, do nothing about the baby. She cried, she did. But she knew she had to get out of there, find whoever had took her and go back to her man.

She started thinking on reasons for this. Why her? Why now? She found in a small table next to the bed a picture of them from the trail. And it hit her. Someone knew about them, she was probably being considered as a threat to his presidency. If they really knew about their relationship, they would know that if she said something about the baby, he would be stepping down as to be with her.

She also thought that someone had being watching her all the time in her apartment; otherwise they had no way of knowing she was calling him.

What should she do now? Leaving for good as to protect not only herself but him too? Was it all worth the pain that it would cause?

Her heart immediately gave her the answer: Love was what she needed. She had to find a way to go back, and it had to be soon.

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**Here is Chapter 4. I hope you like this story. Sorry if i make grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.**

**Thank you for all your reviews. They make me smile and inspire me.**

**S.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

He had been looking for her for over two days now. He was starting to think that something bad had happened to her. He had gone to OPA the day before and all her 'Gladiators' were there, doing the same as him: Looking for her.

They were all worried. Not even Huck knew where she was, and that was worrying. Her people had used all their contacts for the cause and there was still no trace of her. From one moment to another she was gone, leaving behind everything.

They all decided to work together. Neither Abby, Harrison nor Quinn knew about her relationship with the President. Only Huck did. They were expecting answers about it. But Huck convinced them to trust him and Fitz and they concluded that they would all go over a cliff for Liv.

The research had begun. They went to all the possible places for her to be and found nothing. They were clueless. They dig and went deep, but found nothing about her location. Hours passed and the chances for her to be Okay reduced.

Because it was too dangerous to meet in the White House, that night Huck went back to his house accompany by Fitz. They had decided to put together a plan that will assure that Olivia would be found in the following 3 hours, they were going to combine all Secret Service resources with Huck's and it was going to work. It had to, if not, there was a huge possibility that Olivia would be lost for good.

When they arrived there Huck had a strange feeling. He told the President to stay in the car and went to check the place. What he found surprised him. It was Liv. She was there. She looked so bad that she scared him. She was still all bloody and seemed too weak. For what he could see, she hadn't ever drunk water since she got lost. He immediately yelled for help and Fitz came running. When he saw her she was almost unconscious. She looked weak and she was. With her lasts strength she stood up and went to him, only to pass out in his arms.

* * *

She woke up feeling a bit better. She was now in a Hospital bed with an IV connected to her hand. She remembered seeing Fitz, but it could have been as real as a hallucination, she wasn't sure, but she lifted her head and he was there, sitting next to her asleep.

Tears started appearing, followed by tons of pain. He heard her and woke up.

-"Sweet Baby, everything is going to be just fine, I promise" He assured her.

-"Fitz, I am sorry, I am sorry that I left you again, I am sorry I hurt you once more. I am sorry I couldn't tell you in time. They… and I" she said putting one hand on her flat stomach, as her sobs became louder "I… I was… we were going to have… and I am sorry I lost it, I am sorry about everything".

He knew, he already knew. The doctors had told him about the pregnancy. It was just for a short time, but it had happened, and they would never know their baby. He cried. He cried a lot the night before. Now he had to be strong for his Livvie.

-"It is OK Baby, it wasn't your fault." He kissed her forehead, comforting her, letting her cry all she wanted.

When she calmed down, he finally asked:

-"Liv what happened? Please tell me."

Olivia looked at him and started telling him all that had happened.

_2 Days ago. In the hotel room._

_She had cried a lot. But it was now time for her to get out_

_-"Who are you?! What do you want from me?! Let me out! Now!" She started yelling. She was angry, she was ticking, about to explode._

_She had no answer. She was alone. She found a key under the bed and a small note attached it reads 'Be careful you dirty secret, you said it yourself, all secrets come out eventually, don't they? This is a warning; you are free to go Babe. Don't look for me. I'll be watching you Sweetie.' She read it carefully, save it in her bra so she wouldn't lose it and started looking for something to put on. She found her clothes. It was all bloody; she didn't care and put it on anyway. . She was no longer Olivia. She was in her fixer mode, she was a Gladiator. It took her a whole day to get out of the hotel without being seen; she didn't know where she was and there was nothing close. It looked like desert. She started walking and walking in a straight line hoping to find a road.  
When she finally did, she realized she was not that far from DC, only a couple of hours. She walked until she found a 'Rent a Car' sign outside DC. She got one under a fake name and went straight to her apartment. She saw all the blood in the carpet, her blood, panic attacked her and tears were inevitable. 'Huck' she thought 'he will help me to get rid of all this' She tried to call him, but he didn't pick up. 'I have to get him, now' she decided and went just like she was to his house. She got there and no one was there. Weakness took her body and decided to wait a bit longer for him. But when he arrived he was not alone, he was with Him, she couldn't believe it, she thought she was hallucinating and just let herself go._

Now.

He was broken, he wanted to be strong for her, she noticed. He had dreamt too about a different life, they having a family, their child, oh their child. He had dreamt about it too. How would they be like; a little girl, beautiful as her mother? Or a baby with his smile? They both fantasized about that world where they could have they easy happy ending. But it didn't exist. They were here and if they wanted a happy ending, they would have to fight for it.

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**Hi! you have no idea how happy your reviews make me! Thank you. So well, this could be it, it is a bit longer than the other chapters... Should I leave it like this or write a few more chapters as to fix their relationship? Please tell me what you think  
Love.**

**S.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

She was safe now, she was with him. He promised himself that he was going to take care of her no matter what. What happened in the past, they had to let it go. They had to start fresh and they both knew it.

A few days later, when she was finally out of the hospital, and finally at her home, they decided they needed to talk about some things, about the future, about what would happen next. They sat in the couch avoiding the other's eyes and just stare at the wall, none of them wanted to start talking, the both knew that if they started they wouldn't be able to go back.

Olivia was the brave one; she knew they couldn't stay this way forever. They had to fix things or break up for good. The back and forth was no longer an option. She was not up for it anymore.

- "Do you still love me?" She questioned, finally looking at him. Even if he had told her over and over at the hospital that he loved her, there was still doubt in her.

-"Of course I love you, I've never stop loving you, not one second. I felt in love with you the first minute I saw you years ago, and I never stopped loving you no matter what. You are the most important person in my life. I am sorry I made you doubt that. I will apologize as many times as needed" He responded. It was the truth, she could tell, he was speaking from his heart, his eyes were tearful, he couldn't really believe that she could still doubt so much of their love.

After thinking what he had just said she spoke again.

-"I love you too Fitz, with my heart & soul. I've never felt this way before. I love you. But is love enough? I can't go back to where we were before; I can't go through that once more, it's too painful. To live thinking about you being with your wife while I'm here all alone. Having no right over you, to think that you could leave me anytime if you don't longer want me, I just can't Fitz." The tears in her eyes were just about to fall, but she continued, "Do you still want to be with me? Because you might love me, but do you want us to be together?"

-"More than anything Livvie," Tears were now falling down his cheeks, "I want you, and not in the shadows, not like the other, I am sorry I put you in that place before, but now I promise it will be different. I am divorcing Mellie" He said putting his hand in hers. "I already gave her the papers. She has no option. I had some things on her and she agreed she would divorce if I support her for senate. I am going to be a free man Sweet baby" He concluded. He still had her watch and ring with him. He gave them back to her, he put them in her lap and she only stared at them. If she took them back it would mean she would try it all again, if not it would be a final goodbye.

She still doubted, not of their love, it was never actually the problem, but of herself. Should she take the ring? Should she believe in them and in their forever?

The answer was plain and simple. Yes, she had to. She couldn't live without him. She still hoped for their happy ending. She took her watch and put it on. He took her ring, kissed her hand and put it on her. It meant she was all in just like him. They could finally start planning their life, a future together.

They sealed their unspoken deal with a passionate kiss. They stood in the couch cuddling all the night; they started to fantasize about themselves in 5 years, their house, their family… and what they were avoiding all night suddenly hit them, the family they didn't had the chance to begin, the baby they lost not even a week ago. The little boy or the little girl they could have had. Thinking of what they could have been, what they could have had, made them take a drastic decision. They were both thinking of the same. It had to happen. They had no choice.

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**Hi everyone! I am so sorry it took me this long to update, i've been really busy this past weeks, I'll try to do my best with the following chapter, i hope you like this one, Fitz & Liv are trying hard to fix things. What do you think? **

**Love . S.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

The last days had been unbelievable long, a lot had happened and they could only rescue one thing, and it was that they decided to be together, and only that helped them to go through everything.

They had decided to give themselves another chance. They finally believed that they deserved to be happy. She was starting to open up to him and he was trusting in her again.

Mellie had finally agreed to divorce Fitz and she had just signed the papers. He was going to be free for real and he had to tell Olivia the news. He grabbed his phone, asked for a secure line and dialed Liv's number. It rang once and she picked up.

-"Olivia Pope."

-"Hi Sweet Baby, how are you?" He says.

-"Hi, I miss you, I feel like we haven't talked in weeks!" She started complaining. The truth was that they had talked just two days ago. They had been so busy with work, that they could only text each other, no phone calls, no seeing each other, nothing but some texts…

-"I know, I miss you too, so bad! That is one of the reasons I am calling. I need to see you, I need to talk to you, I can't do it over the phone, so I am going to your place tonight, what do you think?"

- "You know it is too risky, you can't do that," she started getting in her fixer mode but he cut her immediately.

-" I can and I will, I need you, so I just need to know if you are going to be at home by about eleven"

She rolled her eyes, "Okay…Yes, I will be there by that time. See you then. I gotta go" Not waiting for his answer, she hung up.

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It was late night and Olivia was already at home, reading some work stuff, waiting for Fitz to show up. It was almost midnight and she was starting to think that he wasn't going. She was so concentrated in her work that the sudden sound of a knock on the door made her jump. She knew it would be Fitz. Who else would be at her door so late at night? She looked through the peephole and it was him, she was right. She opened the door and greeted him with a light but passionate kiss. After they broke he entered and went sitting on the couch. He had an envelope with him. He handed it to Liv and asked her to open it. She had no idea what could it be, and when she opened it and realized what it was, she was taken aback; she almost couldn't believe that it was real.

"How? When? What did you have to do?"

He looked at her with a big smile on his face and started telling her all

_One day before._

_He was in the bedroom when Mellie walked in. She had a very familiar envelope with her. She sat down on the bed next to him and started talking._

_"You really love her, don't you? "She asked him and he nodded "You know, when it all started I believed it was only for sex, but as days passed, I knew it was more than that, you had changed, you were different, you were… happier… I didn't want to see it, I chose not to look and ignore it," she took a deep breath and continued, "I didn't want to admit that I had lost you way before she came into our lives,- you were still there, next to me, just because you didn't know better than us, and I let it be that way because I loved you- and I still do. But I know that you will never look at me the same way you look at her; I know you will never fight for me as you fought for her and that you will never love me, and I deserve more than that, I deserve someone who is the same way you are with her. I understood that now. So, I'm letting you go, this is me letting you go; Letting you being happy, even if it's not with me, even if it is with her. We spent over twenty years together, I don't want this to mean nothing to you, and I want you to be sure that everything I did was out of love. But you are right in doing this. Life is short and we deserve better than each other, I'll get into politics as I always wanted, I'll run and win, and I hope to have your support. With the kids you can have full custody of them, I do love them in my own way, but you are better parent and I know you will take really good care of them." _

_Fitz was speechless; he would have never expected to hear all this from his wife. He was even suspicious of her. But it all went away when he looked into her eyes; he saw a few tears forming and no lies. He kissed her cheek and thanked her. He told her that she had his full support, and that she would be able to see the kids whenever she wanted. It was going to be a friendly divorce and they both hoped for a friendly future. _

Now

She was staring at him, It was hard to believe it, She thought she was dreaming. They were going to be able to be together in the light, finally. This was their chance to finally be happy and not being afraid of it. She after the news could only kiss him and wish for the best. But an annoying sound made her go back to reality. Her phone was loudly ringing. She picked up and it was Huck; he had finally found out who was behind Olivia's kidnapping. The answer was shocking. It had been Charlie; under Cyrus orders… she hung up and looked at Fitz who was next to her.

-"Sweet Baby, I am so sorry. We will figure it out will not let him hurt you again. He has to pay and I will make sure he will." He angrily said putting her into his embrace and kissing her forehead.

It was for not believing, they took one step forward and two steps back. They had fixed the Mellie situation and now there was a worse one: Cyrus; and that could mean anything.

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**I am terribly sorry for this extremely late update. I had several issues with this & my laptop... I really didn't know how to continue this story, but i did it and i hope you like it. Love you all. S.**


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